


a ceremony of ashes

by Medie



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Reality, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-04
Updated: 2010-02-04
Packaged: 2017-10-07 00:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medie/pseuds/Medie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It breaks her heart to see him like this and she pulls herself up to sit beside him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a ceremony of ashes

**Author's Note:**

> written for [this prompt](http://1297.livejournal.com/31077.html?thread=2068837#t2068837) \- Kirk/Uhura _You don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart._ title comes from ["Sonata and Destructions" by Pablo Neruda](http://community.livejournal.com/breathe_poetry/295986.html).

After it's all said and done, she creeps down to Sickbay. In the aftermath of the creature's attack, the ship is unnaturally quiet and walking the corridors leaves Nyota with an uneasy sensation. She's never believed in ghosts, but half the crew is dead, the captain among them, and how else can she describe this feeling but as haunted?

She rubs her arms, brisk, trying to dispel the feeling, but it clings stubbornly. Shock, maybe. It makes sense. Fits her symptoms and it wouldn't be a surprise. She's too cold, shaking with it, and putting one foot in front of the other is a battle of epic proportions. Her first tour. Her first ship. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This isn't supposed to happen to the Academy's finest and Nyota is certainly that.

She graduated top of her class. Every honor possible, she'd claimed and then some. She'd lived up to every expectation her instructors had put before her. She'd refused to do otherwise. It's why she's here to begin with.

She'd chosen the Farragut out of half a dozen offers from half a dozen of the fleet's finest, knowing Captain Garrovick's reputation in the fleet and, more importantly, knowing Jim's opinion of the man.

If she's honest (and Nyota is always unfailingly honest with herself) then she knows Jim's opinion was the deciding factor. There aren't many cadets that could keep pace with her. Even fewer that had surpassed her. She's not embarrassed by that, not threatened either, she knows Jim too well for that. She's seen behind the curtain.

The smooth and easy confidence of an third year student teaching a first year class, holding the attention of every cadet in the room with apparent ease, backed up by hours of work the night before. Lesson plans scoured over, researched, and proofed by Nyota herself.

She lets herself smile with the memory. Following him onto the Farragut had seemed like a brilliant career move, but she's not going to pretend emotions didn't play into it either.

They did and, even now, she can't regret that. Not even when she sees Jim, skin still pale and waxy with blood loss, lying on the biobed. The medical staff lets her pass without comment and Nyota's grateful. She doesn't have the strength to argue. Instead, she eases onto the bed beside him, fitting herself into the small space that remains, and presses her ear to his chest.

The beat of his heart, strong and steady despite it all, is the balm she needed and Nyota lets herself be lulled into a half-sleep. As scared as she still is, she can't let herself feel it right now.

He needs her.

Beneath her Jim shifts, waking, and his hand comes up to touch her hair. Curling fingers into it. "Hey," he says, voice raspy with sleep and sedation. They had to drug him to keep him here. They'd almost had to hypo him to get him off the bridge.

"Hey," she replies. She doesn't look up, not yet, just curls closer. She needs to feel him for a few more minutes. Needs to be sure they're both still alive and not lying on the deck with their lives slowly draining away. "We're heading home. Defiant and Intrepid are going to rendezvous with us on the way." She rubs her cheek against his chest. She doesn't tell him everything is going to be fine. She doesn't promise anything. The creature escaped. It battled a starship, it _won_, and it escaped. It's not going to be fine. This will happen again, and again, and again to whatever ship is unlucky enough to cross its path.

"I should've killed it when I had the chance," Jim says. "Should've just fucking shot it. If I'd -- "

"Nothing would change," she says, cutting him off. She lifts her head, looking at him for the first time, and sees the anger in his face. It breaks her heart to see him like this and she pulls herself up to sit beside him. "You had a hand phaser." Her voice is as quiet as his as she speaks, fury all her own creeping into every word. Jim always does this. Always expects so much of himself. More than any single human being can possibly achieve and, worse, he's achieved it enough to expect the impossible each and every time, refusing to forgive himself when he fails. "That thing -- " she leans in, pressing her forehead against his, fingertips light on his cheeks. "Jim, the ship's phasers didn't even slow it down."

Her voice hitches and she presses her lips together. It's a long moment before she can speak and they're both shaking when she murmurs, "He didn't die because of you."

"Tell that to his kid," Jim says, muttering the words almost to himself.

"His son doesn't need to hear it," Nyota replies. "You do." She kisses him, gentle and sweet, before adding, "And I'll tell you as many times as it takes for you to believe me."

"I don't even think you have enough words for that," he says, wry humor creeping into his reply. It's a good sign, but she's not naive enough to believe this is a battle that's over. Jim's stubborn streak is the only one she's ever seen that can rival her own.

Fine by her, Nyota's never backed down from a fight. She doesn't intend to start now.

She pulls back, looking into his eyes, as she fiercely vows, "Then I'll find them."

Jim kisses her. Slow, sweet, and heartbreakingly reverent. "You're amazing, you know that, right?"

"No," she grins through unexpected tears, "I think that means I'm in good company."

He pulls her close and she tucks her head beneath his chin. She wraps her arms around him again and closes her eyes. She can feel him drawing breath for another comment and pinches his arm with a small grin. "Shut up and go to sleep, Lieutenant. We'll fight about it tomorrow."

"Aye aye, ma'am," he agrees, letting sleep claim him.


End file.
